Sleeping Valor

Hey! Welcome to YWS. I hope you'll like it here, feel free to PM me if you find yourself with any questions or in need of a critique. :D Before ...

Ok, I have no patience for grammar right now, so I'll just critique plot-ness. Okies? He sat in an oval shaped room. First sentence. I don't know about the rest ...

lol. I loved these books! I'd be rooting for Jacob, if it wasn't for the fact Edward is a vampire and therefore trumps all Jacob's sweetness. I think I didn't ...

King Iongo kneeled [knelt, methinks] down to the grubby stone floor and desperately begged[s] for[/s] Teslarhi to spare his life. Teslarhi was much taller and more muscular th a n ...

He rounded a corner and strode down a small alley way that would of only fit went over the plan in his head. Sorry, but this phrase was a bit ...

This is cute. I like how you simplified the narration to make us feel like it's coming from an animal. (not that I think cat's are simple minded. >_> No ...

Immediately after the words leave her tongue, she regrets them. Damn! She has made a terrible mistake. You changed perspective for a second there. =P This is pretty cool. I ...

Ok. Many different points here. 1) You have an interesting plot here. It has a lot of potential. 2) You are telling, not showing. This isn't a good thing. It ...

so she sits some more in the darkness and gloom the only one in an empty room I loved this part especially. =P Ok, critique. 1) Are poems suposed to ...

Mwaha. I just thought of this, since I just read the fourth chapter. Relevance! They do all this shopping, but is it really truly relevant to the plot? I mean, ...

^_^ I keep forgetting you just call your story 'my book'. I'm a little not on top of things right now, but I will be coming back and giving you ...

=P Aww man. And here I thought it was french. *goes to an all french school* This is a nice sweet poem. I especially liked the first bit. I didn't ...

^_^ This is quite good. Since it's journal style, I have no complaints grammar wise, I didn't notice anything to correct. =P Sorry! Plot wise, it's great. It's a little ...

His name was Ivan. He was a Russian, hired assassin and he had one mission. This was about the easiest job yet, to murder a fourteen year old boy. But ...

Hola. So, as far as history background story goes, this looks good. But I'm not sure if my opinion counts since I don't read much of this type of stuff. ...